> 
> My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping
> channels. She
> asked, 'What's on TV?'
> 
> I said, 'Dust.'
> 
> And then the fight started... 
> 
> 
> ****************************************** 
> 
>  
> My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A
> Millionaire" while we were in
> bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have
> sex?"
> 
> "No," she answered.
> 
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> 
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,
> "Yes."
> 
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
> friend."
> 
> And then the fight started.... 
> 
> 
> ******************************************
> 
> Saturday
> morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
> lunch, and slipped
> quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the
> van, and proceeded
> to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was
> blowing 50 mph, so I
> pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
> discovered that the
> weather would be bad all day.
> 
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
> back into bed. I
> cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
> anticipation, and
> whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
> 
> My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my
> stupid husband is out
> fishing in that?"
> 
> And that's how the fight started... 
> 
> 
> ******************************************  
> 
> 
> I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
> alongside the road and
> slowly the other driver got out of his car.
>  You know how sometimes you just
> get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
> well I couldn't
> believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car,
> looked up at me,
> and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
> 
> So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which
> one are you?"
> 
> And then the fight started..... 
> 
> 
> *****************************************  
> 
> 
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
> anniversary. She
> said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150
> in about 3 seconds.'
> 
> I bought her a bathroom scale.
> 
> And then the fight started... 
> 
> 
> ****************************************** 
> 
> 
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
> her some place
> expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.
> 
> And then the fight started... 
> 
> 
> ****************************************
> 
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
> apply for Social
> Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
> my driver's License to
> verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
> left my wallet at
> home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
> have to go home
> and come back later.
> 
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
> my shirt revealing my
> curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your
> chest is proof enough
> for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
> 
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
> experience at the
>  Social
> Security office.
> 
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
> might have gotten
> disability, too.'
> 
> And then the fight started... 
> 
> 
> ****************************************** 
> 
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion,
> and I kept
> staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat
> alone at a nearby
> table.
> 
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> 
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
> I understand she took to drinking
> right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
> she hasn't been
> sober since.'
> 
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a
> person could go on celebrating
> that long?'
> 
> And then the fight started... 
> 
> 
> ****************************************** 
> 
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason
> took my order
> first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare,
> please."
> 
> He
>  said, "Aren't you worried about the mad
> cow?""
> 
> Nah, she can order for herself."
> 
> And then the fight started... 
> 
> 
> ****************************************** 
>
> A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She was not happy
> with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel
> horrible; I look old, fat
> and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
>
> The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near
> perfect.'
>
> And then the fight started.....
> She was not happy
> with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel
> horrible; I look old, fat
> and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> 
> The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near
> perfect.'
> 
> And then the fight started.....