This was sent to me as an audio file. Read with a very heavy Aussie accent, perfect pauses and intonation it is very funny.

I just had to share - my wife is a teacher and understands the message

Australian School Answering Machine Message

"Hello – you have reached the automated answering service for your school.

In order to assist you in connecting to the right member of staff, please listen carefully to all the options before making your selection.

To lie about why your child is absent – please Press 1

To make excuses why your child did not do their homework – please Press 2

To complain about the school  in general – please Press 3

To swear at and verbally abuse members of staff – please Press 4 – you will be held in an automated queuing system as this is a very busy extension line. Please have your message of hate ready as soon as someone answers your call.

To ask why you didn’t get the information that has already been sent to you in several school newsletters and flyers – please Press 5

If you want us to raise your child and teach it a basic level of manners and social behaviour  for you – please Press 6

If you want to reach out, touch, slap or hit someone – please Press 7

To request another teacher (for the third time this year) – please Press 8

To complain that the school bus has already left when your child arrives late – please Press 9

To complain that there aren’t enough misshapen chicken dinosaurs on the school menu - please Press 0

If you realise this is the real world and your child must learn to be accountable and responsible for his or her behaviour, class work and homework and that it’s not just the teachers fault if your child’s lack of effort, enthusiasm or achievement is down to anything other than an hereditary level of intelligence and lack of interest from its genetic parents - hang up now and have a nice day.

If you want to hear this message in another language – move to a country that speaks it.

Thank you for your interest in public education"